Life Events
Episcopal Weddings, Baptisms, and Funerals
We celebrate and cherish all life stages. We feel honored that you are considering hosting your event with us.
Weddings
Congratulations on your engagement! May this union bring you joy. If you are considering getting married at Saint Mary’s, please talk to our rector as soon as possible in order to reserve the church building and their time. No wedding may be scheduled without their permission.
How much does it cost?
Our rector officiates: No fee.
Outside clergy person: see our Rent Schedule for details.
Cleaning: $60, more if the reception is held here. Exceptions can be made if you can tidy up after yourself.
Altar Guild: a $75 is gift requested for our Altar Guild, which compensates them for their time in setting up and taking down the appropriate linens, for replacing the candles, etc. Please make that check payable to St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, write in the memo that it is for the altar guild, and give it to our rector before the wedding.
Sound system: It really helps to have someone who knows the sound system to make sure the sound is all working well, so there is a $50 charge for us to have someone there. Same deal, check to St. Mary’s, ‘sound’ in the memo please.
What about money for the priest?
It is customary to make a gift to the priest’s discretionary fund. Out of this fund the priest buys food certificates for those who need food, provides emergency funds for individuals experiencing emergencies, provides for the needs of someone in the parish, or purchases something the church needs that isn’t in the budget. It is important that you know our rector receives no personal compensation for this Sacrament. The customary amount our rector receives is about $700, but that is just a suggestion.
What if we are not official members of St. Mary’s?
It is church canon (law) that at least one of you has been baptized, and of course it is preferable if the couple is a part of the work and worship of St. Mary’s Episcopal Church. We believe that in marriage two people make a commitment to each other before God. We also believe that the church community makes a commitment to uphold these two people in their life together. To ask the congregation of St. Mary’s to make that commitment for you in good faith means we need to be in relationship with you. It is also true that there are as many life circumstances as there are people, and our rector is happy to discuss your particular situation with you.
What’s the first thing we need to do?
Talk to our rector about your desire to be married in order to reserve the church building and their time. No wedding may be scheduled without their permission.
How much notice do we need to give St. Mary’s?
The canonical (church law) answer is at least thirty days. Of course, it is preferable to think a bit farther ahead to ensure the date you desire is available, so that all the preparation that is required of you may be completed as stress free as possible.
When do we apply for the marriage license?
As soon as you are able. Our rector may require the license in their office two weeks prior to the ceremony.
What about pre-marital counseling?
It is required by church canon (law) that you have premarital counseling. You may do pre-marital counseling with our rector, another clergy person, or with licensed professional. Pre-marital counseling includes family of origin issues, finances, sexuality, children, and gender roles, etc. The cost of premarital counseling is the responsibility of the couple.
What if one or both of us has been divorced?
Living together before being married does not preclude your getting married in the Episcopal Church.
What if we are a same-sex couple?
In the Episcopal Church, we will happily marry you! You will be treated as any other couple seeking God’s blessing on their lifelong commitment.
What will our service be like?
The Episcopal Church is blessed with a beautiful marriage service in our Book of Common Prayer. It is also possible to create a service that is more tailored to you as a couple. To craft a service that is meaningful for you, you will meet with our rector for at least two sessions. In between these sessions you will be given some ‘homework’ to help them get to know you better and to help clarify your thinking about what marriage means to you.
How long should we plan the service to last?
This answer depends on several things, one of which is whether you would like to have the Eucharist (Sacrament of Bread and Wine) as a part of your wedding. A service with the Eucharist can last between forty minutes to an hour, depending on music. A service without the Eucharist can last from twenty to forty minutes, depending on music and number of readings.
May we invite other Episcopal clergy, or clergy from other denominations or religious traditions, to participate in the service?
Generally, yes, but please talk to our rector about this before you begin planning the wedding. If they are coming from another state there is some paperwork involved.
May we have a unity candle?
The unity candle is not a part of the Episcopal marriage service, and in fact is redundant to the binding of hands and the blessing.
What about pictures?
It is fine to take pictures during the rehearsal, but please no flash photography during the actual ceremony. It is a good idea to take pictures before the wedding, and wise to finish them up about a half an hour before guests come. You may take pictures anywhere you like.
What about flowers?
You may place flowers anywhere you like except directly on the altar. We have plant stands of various sizes. Please be certain that all floral arrangements have something on the surfaces underneath them in order to protect the wood against water spills.
What about decorations?
You may decorate the church however you like, but please use no thumbtacks or tape. If you want bows hung from the pews, wire works well. The altar guild will change the hangings in the church to white. There are also iron candelabra for votive candles available. They can be attached to the end of the pews down the center isle of the Sanctuary. Please ask well ahead of time if you would like to use them. Coordination of installation and removal of the candelabra requires us to schedule our team of installers and there will there will be an additional fee for this.
What about bulletins?
The church will provide simple bulletins for your wedding. Or, you can choose to have the bulletins printed elsewhere. It is important that the priest proof the bulletins before they are printed to make sure everything is in the right order.
What about a rehearsal?
A rehearsal is a must. It will take about forty minutes. Please invite all those who will be participating in your ceremony in any way.
May we throw rice after the service?
Throwing rice is not allowed because it causes harm to birds. Confetti is also not good because it is such a mess to clean up. Blowing bubbles has been a good idea, and looks nice in pictures too.
What about an aisle runner to walk on?
This is not recommended – they never seem to line up right and become such a thing to fuss with it takes the focus away from the service.
About Music
What are my musical options at St Mary’s?
Music may be chosen for the organ, piano, or harpsichord in addition to any musicians you bring in. (There is a $75 fee for the tuning of the harpsichord.) Should you request that St. Mary’s Choir or Handbell Choir play for your wedding, a suggested donation of $125 each is applicable. Also keep in mind that your music choices will be limited to the repertoire that the choir has learned already, unless there is sufficient time to prepare something new by your wedding date.
How much is St Mary’s Music Director going to cost?
There is a fee of $250 payable on or before the day of the wedding.
What if I want no music, or custom music?
That’s perfectly fine. There is no music fee if the Music Director is not involved and you do not use our pianos or organ. However, we do ask that you offer a donation to our Music Fund.
Will someone help me choose music?
Very few people start wedding planning knowing everything that they want musically. In the music planning session, our musician will play a variety of things and help you choose. A minimalist approach to music planning consists of the prelude music (10 to 20 minutes), the processional, and the postlude. Beyond that, you could easily include a soloist or a congregational hymn or two. The inclusion of Holy Eucharist gives you more musical options as well.
Will the organ or piano be tuned for my wedding?
The organ and piano will not be tuned for your wedding, unless it happens to fall at a time when the church regularly has tuning scheduled. If you would like tuning anyway, our regular technician will be able to tell you the cost, payable to him.
Baptisms
Baptism is absolutely essential to our understanding of being a faithful follower of Jesus Christ. Through baptism we are named, set aside, and given a vocation to live as a servant of Christ in every aspect of our lives.
Being baptized means you are not alone. It means you become a full member of the church, joining your life to the lives of all those who have ever tried to live as Christians. It means tossing your lot in with those sitting in pews next to you Sunday after Sunday, riding the changes and chances of this life not alone but in community.
Baptism with water in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, in whatever denomination, is recognized by the Episcopal Church and therefore there is no need to be baptized again. If you have not been baptized and wish to be, what great news! We would love to be the community that calls you by name and pours water on your head, binding us together as brothers and sisters, and inspiring you for the ministry to which God has called you.
The Baptismal Covenant sums up for us what it means to follow Christ. We are connected to our tradition through the creed of our ancestors. We pledge to go to church, and study scripture, and say our prayers. We pledge to live a reflective life and when we have caused harm, to say we’re sorry and to stop. We pledge that we will show with our lives the Good News found in Christ Jesus. And we will work for justice and dignity for absolutely everybody. It’s all there, and at St. Mary’s we remind ourselves of this Baptismal Covenant every Sunday.
We baptize children and babies all the time, but since they are yet too young to understand, we as a community take responsibility for them. We promise to know them by name and teach them the ways of Christ and encourage them to use the gifts God has put in them for the good of the world. We promise to provide them with high quality Sunday Schools, youth groups, service opportunities, and teach them ways to pray and sing.
Their godparents ‘take on’ the Covenant for their godchild, carrying it for them until they can make a mature decision to devote their life to carrying it for themselves.
If you or someone you know is interested in this way of life, our rector would be thrilled to talk with you about preparing for this Sacrament.
Funerals
The Episcopal Church’s beautiful burial liturgy is available to everyone. It doesn’t matter who they are, whether they were faithful churchgoers or not. It doesn’t matter how they died, it doesn’t matter how much money they had. All are escorted out of this world with beauty and dignity and grace.
Our rector also welcomes requests to craft a service for miscarriage and other experiences of infertility and loss.
Give rest, O Christ, to your servant with your saints, where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting. You only are immortal, the creator and maker of humankind; and we are mortal, formed of the earth, and to earth shall we return. For so did you ordain when you created me, saying, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.” All of us go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.
– Book of Common Prayer
We believe that all people are a gift from our Creator, and all people are received into the arms of our loving God when they die. That is why the church is decorated in the traditional Easter white, and the priest wears white. The Paschal candle lit at baptism is also lit at funerals, tying together the cycle of life and death.
Building Spaces and Options
If you would like to arrange for a funeral for someone, we will gently work with you to honor the life of the one you loved in the most appropriate way. Perhaps that means a funeral or memorial service at the church, at another location, or something simple at the graveside or where cremains are distributed. Our rector welcomes being of use even if there is no connection to St. Mary’s.
If you wish to hold a gathering for family and friends, but you think a church funeral just doesn’t feel appropriate, it is also an option to rent the meeting room at St Mary’s. The room has comfortable sofas, much natural light, and a small tea kitchen for providing simple refreshments Our facility is handicap accessible.
In the warmer months, smaller services can be held in our beautiful garden courtyard. Present there is a granite memorial wall, on which the names of those whose ashes are buried in our memorial garden. If you are interested in purchasing such a spot on the memorial wall and/or having cremains buried in the garden, a $500 donation will be requested, which ensures that the garden will be maintained.
If you are interested in hosting a luncheon after a funeral, you may call in a caterer to the St Mary’s facility. We have the name of a really good one who is used to our space, if you need a referral. Another option that often works well is hosting a luncheon at a local restaurant.
Fees
Most people wonder, but are sensitive about asking, the costs for doing a funeral. A donation is usually given to the priest who facilitates the service, and another to the preacher if that is not the same person. The amount is usually $200-$300 or so. The priest will put that donation into their discretionary account, which they are free to give away to people in need or to cover an expense not in the church budget. The rector personally does not benefit from officiating this Sacrament. The church musician earns around $250, and if extra musicians or soloists are needed they get paid something as well. Cleaning fees for the church are usually $60. It’s a good idea to have someone familiar with our system making sure the sound is on and working well, that is $50. Typically the funeral home will ask these questions, adjust for these expenses in what they charge, and then write and distribute the checks to us. Most find that easier, but writing checks directly to the church is fine as well.
Advance Preparation
Much of the funeral planning can be done in advance. A family can feel much concern and anxiety trying to put together a funeral that the deceased would have liked. The family can struggle over music and scripture readings and locations for burial. The instances when these choices have already been made by the one who has died brings great relief to the family and helps them in their grief. Our rector would be happy to meet with you to help in advance funeral planning.
Most merciful God,
whose wisdom is beyond our understanding:
Deal graciously with (insert names) in their grief.
Surround them with your love,
that they may not be overwhelmed by their loss,
but have confidence in your goodness,
and strength to meet the days to come;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
– Book of Common Prayer